Explosive eversion of a duck penis is a story of my last day in Thailand. A chain of thoughts from a mushroom bad trip. Not in chronological order.
A girl I met yesterday gets up from the floor, drinks San Pellegrino, and seems to really enjoy it. It was the first time I visited Thailand and I didn't know that local water did not taste good because I never tried it. The girl says she has to go home in such a way that I realize it's serious. I want to love her even though I can barely do anything at all. Instead I see her rushing towards the door and runing away. Why? What should I do?
At 9am, my plane takes off. What time is it now? How long is this trip going to last? In Russian it's very easy to confuse "мне нравится" for "I like" with "мне не нравится" for "I don't like" because "мне" for "I" sounds just like "не" for "don 't". I get paranoid it must have been a sexual assult far beyond the degree I considered appropriate. If I'm not paranoid I must have done something terrible without realizing. The notion of being aware of being paranoid proved to be quite useless when really being paranoid. And this realization did not change it either.
I feel I must not try to chase her to get her back.
One rarely expects to ever find oneself trapped in a topological space that does not have a metric. I had that two weeks ago while tripping in a beach club. The DJ sucked. Completely disoriented, I tried to walk home but couldn't decide whether to go left or right. On an island, I felt, it didn't matter. I live on the beach and if I walk along the coast in any direction I will eventually reach every beach.
This very much contradicted my past experience. There definitely used to be the right way and the wrong way. I had to try Google Maps. There's normally this blue beam that shows where the iPhone is headed. Unfortunately, the visuals make it completely incomprehensible and it doesn't work at all. This got me worried. Can she safely get home? Definitely not. At this point the badtrip I long had coming really kicks in.
I kiss her. I think life is worth living. My fucked up mind starts analyzing it and quickly arrives at the well-known conclusion that it's actually not. It's "Time destroys all things". And this music! Those guys who wrote it, they all killed themselves! She says I have to figure it out myself because she doesn't know the meaning either. I think this must be why some people jump from the window on psychedelics. The horror stories my mother tells do have some truth to them. The girl smiles. I'm holding her in my hands and she says she likes it. I feel much better. She gets up to drink some water.
I'm doing arithmetic: 9 minus 3 is 6. What is this 6? Six hours! Is that a lot? It's 2 plus 4! What does that mean? It's recommended to arrive at the airport 2 hours before takeoff. Let's set the alarm for 4am. It's not too late, is it? Will it ring? Will I hear it? Let's do 23 squats! 1,2,3...23! Is it better? Fuck! Let's take a hot shower. Breath in, breath out. My body is so beautiful! Why do I feel so bad? No, do not kill yourself! Out of the shower. Still too high to think! The alarm rings. Let's set another one.
My phone rings, it's the girl. She asked if it was true that I was evil and I designed some perfect seductive algorithm, or if she was just paranoid. I'm laughing at it, but she's serious. I tell her I did not. Apparently the evening was going well, and then there was that fucked up video.
Many years ago I used to frequently walk in a park with the ducks. Once I looked at them and thought: "Can humans build a mechanical duck?" Almost certainly not. Those ducks would have to be able to mine all sorts of metals, drill oil, build a chip factory, and a shitload of other factories. Basically ducks doing all the human things on the human scale: mines, roads, factories, ships, warehouses, financial markets and the duck police. Real ducks eat grass and fuck. That's it. They are so antifragile. It's impressive how we absolutely cannot build anything like a real duck.
I told that to a friend but he didn't find it that interesting. Instead he told me how the ducks fuck. Turns out they evolved with a lot of rape in mind. In females, a spiral-shaped vagina has been developed to avoid being raped. While in males -- well, an explosive duck penis aversion in order to get in. I didn't exactly believe my friend, so he had to send me a proof. A video from some academic paper titled Explosive\ eversion\ of\ a\ duck\ penis.\ \[qwjEeI2SmiU\].webm has been saved in my home directory. And there it stayed for around 3 years, surrounded by other trash.
I've managed to unlock the door using a key. It took a minute or two but we are finally getting in. She's going to take a shower. I'm turning on my computer and manage to get some music on. It's Light My Fire and a Beatles Rooftop Concert playing together at the same time. On mushrooms my computer's cli interface was very impressive, even to to myself. I want to show her an old program that computes a snowflake but can't find it. The output of ls -la in the home directory contains all the filenames and is several screens tall and I'm reading through it.
haha what's in ~/drugs? Some public keys and ECDSA encrypted messages, the file that got me into jail! It only has my name and address in it. A computer is very powerful. If you press the right keys you get infinite money in 2 hours. And you can also go to jail for life by typing something stupid. A bank robber once told me he didn't kill, it was the gun who did it. Usually I choose to do nothing about the power of a computer. Perhaps this is the right way to interact with it.. But a certain file catches my attention and I must know what it is. I choose to type something in to open that file. It's 8 keys: (m), (p), (v), (space), (E), (x), (tab), (enter)!
mpv Explosive\ eversion\ of\ a\ duck\ penis.\ \[qwjEeI2SmiU\].webm
mpv is a programm for opening videos, the rest is an autocompleted filename. The video only lasts 11 seconds and shows an exploisive duck erection. Clearly it made the girl deeply worried if I was insane.
A nuclear war could probably be started with fewer than 10000 keystrokes on any computer with a good operating system and an internet connection. Getting infinite money (unlaundered) might be much easier. A date, however, can be ruined by a combination of just 8 keys. What is the optimal way to interact with the world?